The Cousin, The Aunt and Uncle and the Fat Ass
by KayTeeBeth
Summary: Just so you all know, there is NO slash, and there IS OC. Kyle's cousin had grown up without a mom, but that never really bothered her. When her mom returns, things don't go well, and naturally trouble is caused in South Park. Please R&R!
1. Prologue: A Little Family History

Author's Note: Alright, sorry about the change, but I've seriously gone through about ten other stories in the time between th

**Author's Note: **Alright, sorry about the change, but I've seriously gone through about ten other stories in the time between the other one and this one. I'm pretty sure I got it right this time, but I'm pretty picky, so enjoy this one while it lasts... I think this is it. And there still isn't any slash. Sorry, hope I didn't get your hopes up...

**Disclaimer: **I do not own South Park. Matt and Trey do. I'm just some random picky person with WAY too much time on her hands.

**The Cousin, the Aunt and Uncle, and the Fat Ass**

**Prologue: A Little Family History**

It was a quiet Saturday evening at the Broflovski residence. (Meanwhile, at the Broflovski residence in South Park, it was a little more rowdy, but we'll get to that later.) Lily and her dad were watching TV in the front room. Lily sipped a glass of iced tea, and her dad sipped a bottle of beer.

"So kiddo, anything new and exciting happening at school?"

Lily looked over at her dad. He was making small talk in attempts to connect with his daughter. It was sweet that he would make the effort, but she would have preferred if he didn't.

"Daddy," Lily said gently. "You don't have to bother. Just, be one of those fathers who goes on and doesn't care about the dirty details of his kid's life. You've raised me by yourself, and that means enough to me on its own. You don't actually have to get involved." She smiled at him.

"Whew. Thanks sport."

Lily grew up without her mom, and her dad had raised her single-handedly. Her mom left them years ago, just after Lily was born.

Daniel Broflovski and Holly Stewart had known each other since high school. Holly was the popular cheerleader type girl, Dan was the nerdy, studious kid, but he was a total guy. The only reason they ever talked to each other was because they were neighbors and took the same bus. Eventually, they went out on a date, and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Naturally, it didn't last long. They were the typical on again/off again couple. That went on through college until they eventually got married.

The marriage lasted until Holly got pregnant. She had always had commitment issues, but she held up pretty well until things got really heavy. Once she gave birth to Lily, she decided to run off.

"I'm sorry Dan," she said fleetingly. "I just can't do this. These last few years have been fun, but I just can't so this anymore. It's a joke that has grown feeble and just isn't worth it anymore."

Dan wasn't too happy with that. "Wait, you're just realizing this now? After we had a daughter together?"

"Yes, I thought it would work, but I was wrong. Look, I'm sorry, I just can't. I need to see the world, I need to find myself!"

"But what about all those times between our relationships? Huh? She couldn't have found herself then?" Daniel exclaimed every time he told that story.

Lily rolled her eyes every time she heard that story. She was a little worried about growing up without a mom, but she was happy with her dad. Sure, she missed out on a lot of girl stuff, but what she heard about her mom, she knew it would be just as dysfunctional as it was now. Lily didn't really think about it much anymore, though It was just the way it was, and it wasn't on her mind.

While Terrance and Phillip were busy farting away on the TV, the doorbell rang. Lily and her father looked towards the door.

"Could you get that please, Lily?"

Lily sighed and got up. When she opened the door, she frowned. The woman at the door looked oddly familiar. She was sure they had never met, but there was just something about this woman that Lily just couldn't place.

"Hello little girl. Is your daddy home?"

Lily scowled at being addressed like a two year old. It was really starting to bother her. What was with this newcomer?

"Uh, yeah. Erm, come in, I guess." Lily led the woman in and cleared her throat. "Dad? This lady wants to talk to you."

Dan looked over at the girls. When he saw them standing next to each other, he turned off the TV and stared at them.

"Dan?" the woman asked. Lily stirred. They obviously knew each other.

"Holly?"

Her mother. That's who this woman was. What the hell was she doing here though? Had she come to start over? Was she willing to be the mother that Lily never had? Could this be the beginning of a new, more fulfilling chapter in Lily's life?

Obviously not.

"So, you're back?" Dan sounded happy, but there was an irrepressible bitterness in his voice.

Holly smiled, relieved. She obviously didn't hear the sharpness to his tone. "Yes. I finally realized that 'I' am back here. With you. I always have been."

The reunion was a little corny for Lily's taste, but it was something at least.

"Well, that was quick! The eleven years just flew by!"

Lily watched her father's face darken. Holly thought she could just waltz right back into their lives, and everything would be great. But Dan had other plans. He wasn't going to let Holly off that easily

This caught Holly by surprise. "Dan... Please, don't be like this. I know you're not too happy with me, but you're glad I'm back. And besides, it's not like I cut off contact completely."

"You might as well have!"

"I came to visit..." Holly protested.

"Once! Twice, if that first time counts. You happened to be 'in the neighborhood' that one time two years after you left. And then five years ago. Did it even cross your mind how this potentially could have affected our child?" Dan wasn't yelling, but Lily knew that tone, and so did Holly. Dan was generally fairly easy-going, but Lily always wound up grounded the longest when this particular tone was used. Clearly, he was far from happy.

"Of course! I never stopped thinking about her!" Holly turned to Lily. "Oh, you grew up to be such a good-looking young woman. I'm so sorry."

Before Lily could respond, her dad cut in. "Well, of course she's good-looking. She's gorgeous! She looks exactly like you. As if it wasn't hard enough, I was reminded of your absence every day. And in the face of our own child, no less!"

"Lily," Holly beseeched. "A girl needs her mother. Especially at your age, and in the years to come. What do you say?"

Lily looked over at her father, and he let her answer. Her happy feelings were short-lived and right then she was solely following logic.

She sighed and said "Yeah, a girl does need her mother. Mom, you weren't there for me. I'm happy with just daddy. Do you for seriously expect me to accept you just like that?"

"Sweetie, you don't understand," Holly began.

"No, I think she has it dead on!" Dan snapped.

"Don't be like this. Look, Danny, please, just give me a chance. I've matured, I'm a changed woman! You know how much fun we had. We're meant to be," Holly pleaded.

For a split second, Dan's hard expression softened. He was considering his options. "Um, can I just talk to Lily for a second?"

Holly's face brightened and she looked pleased. "Of course! Take your time."

Lily followed her dad into the next room. She didn't know what to think. She had no idea what her mom was going to be like. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but it wasn't this. Lily had changed her opinion a few times over the course of the conversation.

"So here's the plan," Dan instructed. "I need to talk to your mom, alone. We need some time to sort things out. I want you to go to Colorado. I've prepared a package with bus schedules to Uncle Gerry's. You know, in case of emergency."

"You mean?"

"Yeah. The package is in my dresser. The tall one, second drawer from the bottom. Follow it, and take a watch. The busses run all night."

"Dad, isn't this a little extreme? I mean, I don't mind Uncle Gerry's, but shouldn't I stay here? Do I really have to leave?"

"Look, this is grown up time. I'll call and let them know you're on your way. Pack quickly and don't take much. You'll be fine." Dan kissed Lily on the forehead. "Here's 200 bucks. Go, now!"

"OK!"

Lily ran up the stairs to her room. The only extended family she knew about was her dad's big brother, Gerald. Lily was older than her cousins, even though her dad was the younger brother. She was born when her parents were young.

It was kind of hard to believe that she was being _told_ to run away from home. Lily was still convinced it was extreme, and she really should be involved. But she wasn't about to argue with her dad.

Why couldn't they have just been a nice, normal family from the start?

(Because then we wouldn't have a story.)

**Author's Note: **Alrighty, I KNOW it's corny, cheesy, and whatever. But I promise it WILL get better. Sorry about all the OC's and if there are any errors, let me know. I'll change them. Unless they mess up my story.


	2. From Bay River to South Park

Author's Note: OK

**Author's Note: **OK. So I'm so I'm working on it... Sort of working through a writer's block. Let's just see if I can make it through this.

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own South Park. Hell, I'm not even American. Matt Stone and Trey Parker are, however, and it just so happens that they DO own South Park. Not me. I'm just using the show as a setting for my story because I'm too lazy and uncreative to make up my own characters and settings. Enough rambling. On with the show! Not really.

**Chapter One: From Bay River to South park**

Nobody told Kyle anything. How in the hell was he supposed to know she was asleep on the air mattress on the floor in his room? He didn't even know she was staying over. So naturally, he cried out in alarm when he walked into his room, waking up his sleeping cousin and spurring a lecture from his parents. Despite all that, however, he was glad to see Lily.

Kyle had spent the night before at Stan's house, and didn't get back until 1:00. Stan had come with him, and they weren't intending to stay. They were only going to pick up some money and then go to the movies. That plan fell apart when they found Lily.

Stan had met her briefly once before when they were seven and Lily was nine. He had gone to get Kyle and she was over. She introduced herself, but really all the two knew about each other was their names.

"So what tine did you get here?" Kyle asked his cousin.

"I'm not sure exactly what time, but not too long before you came in." Kyle, Lily and Stan were in Kyle's room, while his parents were in the kitchen talking by themselves. "Jesus, how the hell did things get so fucked up so quickly?"

"So what happened exactly?" Stan inquired.

Lily yawned and began her story. She kept it quite abridged, briefly explaining her life situation. "Then when my mom finally decides to show up, my dad gets all weird and sends me off. He gave me some sheets with bus routes, but they were outdated. The busses run all night my ass. I took a bus from Bay River into Portland. From there I was supposed to take another bus into Boise and it would take me straight to Denver. Unfortunately, that bus wasn't running anymore. So I had to take a bus into Salem, down into Sacramento, over to Carson City, catch another bus to Salt Lake City and finally into Denver where I rode my last bus here."

"Wow."

"Yeah, it took like eighteen hours to get here at least. When I got here I pretty much just went straight into your room and to sleep on the air mattress." Lily yawned widely again. "I got a little bit of sleep on the bus, and here, but otherwise I've been up all night."

"If you want we can leave you alone so you can get some more rest." Kyle offered.

"No, that's really alright. I'm tired, but I'm too wired to actually sleep. There's just WAY too much going on right now."

"Alright. Let's go see what my parents are doing." Kyle suggested.

They followed Kyle out of his room and into the kitchen. "Mom," Kyle said. "How long is Lily staying here exactly?"

"Well sweetie, Lily's mommy and daddy need to sort some things out," Kyle's mom explained.

"Lily's parents aren't like your mom and I," his dad continued.

"I know, Lily already told us," Kyle interrupted.

"Did she? Well good. Look, Cousin Lily's gonna stay with us however long she needs to," Kyle's mom answered. "It could be a couple days, maybe a week, or longer even. She just needs some peace and quiet and she's gonna stay here and get it, however long she needs."

Stan and Kyle exchanged looks. Peace? Quiet? In South Park? What planet was she living on? Nonetheless, it would still be cool to have Lily around, and Kyle was glad she was staying.

"So we were gonna go catch a movie. You up for one?" Stan offered.

Lily smiled sleepily. "A movie would be great."

They paid for their tickets and Lily made it through the previews. But once the movie started, she was out like a light.

While Lily slept soundlessly next to them, Kyle and Stan weren't paying much attention to the movie either. They weren't even sure what they were seeing.

"So, what's she like," Stan asked, indicating Lily.

Kyle shrugged. "I haven't seen her for a while, but I think she's cool."

Stan tilted his head to the right at looked at her. Neither of them was really sure what to make of the situation, but this wasn't the worse they'd been in. They learned to just go with it a long time ago.

"So what are we seeing anyway?" Kyle asked.

"Dude, I have no clue. Some ninja thing."

Neither of them really paid any attention to the movie. It was a fantastic waste of nine dollars apiece, but at least Lily had some time to sleep and the boys had some peace.

Lily woke up ten minutes before the end. "Shit. Well, that was a fantastic movie!" She rubbed her eyes and yawned. Her neck was stiff, and she somehow felt more tired than she did before.

When they left the theatre, they were at a loss for what to do next. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they didn't have to decide. As luck would have it, they met up with Cartman and Kenny, who just so happened to be outside the theatre. Stan and Kyle were a little suspicious. Cartman looked like he was up to something, as usual, and Kenny just looked like he had nothing better to do. Lily just kept her expression blank and watched mutely. She wanted to see how long it would be before they noticed her.

"Whatever it is, no," Kyle asserted upon seeing their "friend". He had enough problems as it was without whatever the fat ass wanted.

"What? Is that what we've come to? Assuming that I'm going to get you in trouble?" Cartman said in an overly innocent voice. "It thought we could trust each other a little more but, well, obviously I was wrong."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't give me your crap." He was not in the mood.

"Whoa, sorry. Apparently it's little Miss Kyla's time of the month," Cartman shot back. He wasn't taking any crap from Kyle either.

"Shut up asshole!"

Lily cocked an eyebrow and exchanged looks with Stan while her cousin and Cartman continued arguing. A smile played on her lips as she figured this wasn't anything new for them. She almost didn't want to intervene, this was slightly entertaining. But she felt that she had to, if only for the sake of moving on and doing something else.

"You know," Lily began. "As fun as arguing for absolutely _no reason at all_ is," she continued, stressing the "no reason at all", hoping they'd get the hint, "I would rather not sit here and listen to it. Can we move on by any chance?"

Cartman gave her an appraising look. "Who's the ho? Kyle have a girlfriend?"

Lily laughed dryly. "Hardly. I'm his cousin, fat ass. And the way you two greeted each other I'm guessing you're the best of friends, naturally."

"I see. Well, it's real nice to meet you," he replied in a falsely cheery voice.

"Why thank you. I wish I could say the same back. Now can we PLEASE do something?" Now that Lily had met all Kyle's friends and exchanged pleasantries, or un-pleasantries, she was eager to do something. She needed a distraction from her shitty life.

They decided on going to the arcade. Lily wasn't high score material, but she was good enough to get enough tickets to get a stuffed alien at the prize booth. They had spent two hours at the arcade, and when they were done there, dispersed and headed home for supper.

At Kyle's house, Lily insisted she wasn't hungry and simply watched T.V. During the day Kyle's mom prepared the guest bedroom for Lily, and she spent the night in there instead of on the air mattress.

Kyle was far from looking forward to school the next day. But in the morning his mom told him that he wasn't going. She excused him for the week so he could help his cousin. Surely things would be sorted out by then and all would go back to normal. She had also called Stan's mom and recommended she excused him, too. When Cartman caught wind of this he couldn't stand the thought of being at school while his friends weren't, so he got his mom to excuse him too. And Kenny just skipped because his parents wouldn't care if he got in trouble for it.

The week passed without much event. They mostly spent it watching T.V. and playing video games. Even Cartman tried to behave. It was a half-hearted attempt, but there wasn't and exceptional amount of animosity of his accord.

Friday night they were sitting in Kyle's living room watching Terrance and Phillip.

"I heard they're only making three more seasons of this show. It's just a rumor, but a lot of people will be pissed off at CBC if it's true," Lily stated during the first commercial.

"No way," Cartman argued. "They wouldn't, it's their main source of income."

"I said it was just a rumor. Some guy at the bus stop who claimed to be a friend of the Canadians was spouting all kinds of bullshit, so I was convinced it wasn't true. I wouldn't have even mentioned it just now if I hadn't heard the same thing at the bus stop in Denver from some other guy so..." Lily said in her defense.

The phone rang after that, but none of them paid too much attention to it. The show was back on. After a few minutes and several fart jokes, Kyle's mom called Lily to the phone. Her dad had called.

Lily put the phone to her ear. "Dad?" This could go either way. Either it was all good, or he had fucked things up even worse.

"Hey sweetie," he replied. The tone of his voice told Lily exactly which way this was going. "Um, I'm really sorry, but I've done something really stupid."


	3. Unnecessary Information

**Author's note: **It's coming along, and it's getting better, I promise. Just bear with me. The summer will hopefully bring more adventures with our heroes, anti-heroes and random peoples. And I guess I forgot to mention they're the same age as on the show. Sorry about that! And Lily's like two and a half years older than they are. They're nine, she's eleven. Yeah.

**Disclaimer: **Checks files Nope, I still don't own South Park. And I'm also apparently a loser with no life... Awe well, win some, lose some.

**Chapter Two: Unnecessary Information**

Lily hung up the phone and walked in a daze into the guest room. She vaguely heard the phone ring again. She wasn't supposed to hang it up, her dad still wanted to talk to Kyle's parents, but she didn't realize that after her talking to her dad. She had received some information she didn't need.

It took the boys about fifteen minutes to realize Lily was missing. They uprooted themselves as soon as the show ended and began the short search for her. She was found within two minutes in her room, sitting against the wall and looking a little frazzled.

"Lily?" Kyle asked gingerly. "Who was on the phone?" He was pretty sure he knew already, but he asked out of courtesy.

"God damn it, what is wrong with parents?" Lily said in response.

Kyle sat next to her, and the other boys continued to keep a fair bit of distance. "Dude, I have no idea. What happened?"

"Well, my dad called, and apparently things have been sorted out. Just not in the way that's supposed to help me. No, apparently all week my mom was talking to him, and also making some 'suggestions' about how to figure out what to do. Finally, last night, well..." Lily shook her head and continued. "Jesus, he sounded so casual when he said it. 'Your mother and I engaged in sexual intercourse.' Well, it was worse than that. 'Sweetie, last night I had sex with your mom.' Ugh, I wish. 'Lily, I banged your mom last night, and it was amazing. So now things are a little worse.' Understatement! He came flat out and told me that he had sex with Holly."

She spoke a little disjointedly, and her thoughts were scattered. Lily's voice remained calm, although she shuddered slightly.

The boys exchanged disgusted looks. They knew all about retarded parents, but even they felt sorry for the girl. Well, except Cartman who was only there for lack of anything better to do.

They weren't sure what to say to this, but luckily Lily continued. "So now, he's on his way here, and Holly's following. So what was the point of me coming here? I was told I was getting away from the drama, but of course in my absence things get worse. Shit."

"So?" Cartman interjected. "I hear about my mom's love life all the time."

"Yeah, but your mom's a slut. You read about it in crack whore magazine before you can walk in on them personally," Kyle shot back.

"Well, at least my mom's not a stupid Jew bitch!"

"MY mom's not Jewish," Lily put in. "Just my dad."

"Yeah, well I wasn't talking to you," Cartman replied insolently.

"I'm fully aware of that, thank you."

The argument was interrupted by a knock at the door. Kyle's mom poked her head around the door. "Lily? I'm sorry honey, I know this is all so much for you to handle, and I'm really sorry I have to ask, but could you move your stuff back into Kyle's room?"

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Well, if your parents are coming too, there won't be enough rooms for you all. Kyle you don't mind, do you?"

Kyle shook his head in response. "It's cool with me, but I really don't think we should force her into it."

Lily frowned slightly. "I have no problem with it. But won't it be a little awkward?"

"You'll be fine, I'm sure," Kyle's mom assured them.

Lily sighed and gathered her belongings. It didn't take her long. She wasn't a neat or organized person, and at home it would have taken her weeks to find everything. But she didn't have much and she didn't have too much time to let her stuff get everywhere, so it was quick work.

The air mattress was already back on the floor in Kyle's room. "Well, this will be fun," Lily stated, slight sarcasm coloring her voice. "Sorry, I guess I'm kinda derailing your life hey?"

They boys had followed her into the room. "Don't worry about it. It's a nice change not having to deal with the adults in our town for a change," Kyle replied to Lily's apologies.

"Yeah, now we gotta deal with the adults from your town," Cartman added.

"Dude, shut up. You aren't helping. Why are you even here?"

Lily rolled her eyes and lay down on the air mattress, exasperated. "How do you guys put up with this?" she asked Kenny. In her week in South Park, the arguments hadn't really bothered her. Only the really stupid and pointless ones were particularly annoying.

"I donno, you get used to it," replied the orange parka. Lily didn't find it overly difficult to understand him, but at times it was hard to make it out.

"I guess." Lily closed her eyes and blocked everything out. She went over the different ways things could go. What was the worst that could happen? How could things get any more screwed up than they already were? Obviously they could, it was just how that bothered her.

Kyle's mom came into Kyle's room. "Alright boys, I think it's about time you headed home and left Lily some alone time."

Cartman was the first to leave, without so much as a goodbye, not that it really bothered any of them. Stan and Kenny departed together, saying bye to their friend and wishing his cousin luck.

There was a moment of silence. Lily grabbed her pajamas. "I'll go change in the bathroom, give you some privacy."

It was only a little bit before nine, but to Lily it felt like it was 3:00 in the morning. She just wanted to get to sleep. Her parents would likely arrive in the morning, and she needed to mentally prepare herself.

* * *

Lily groaned as her body woke up. She fell asleep fairly quickly the night before. She checked the time and was surprised to find that it was already 11:00. She wasn't sure whether or not her parents were here yet. Chances were, they were. Well, Holly at least. She would have been smart enough to take a plane. Her dad didn't trust airlines, so he would have taken the same roundabout bus route as Lily, unless he drove.

Kyle was already up. He was careful not to wake her as he left the room, but she was out cold. He was awake for the arrival of Holly. She did take a plane, but she had her car sent over too. His Uncle had yet to arrive, but he surely wasn't that far away.

While he waited for his cousin to awake, he watched T.V. while determinedly ignoring his aunt's attempts at conversation. Right when he was about to break down and reply to one of her comments, Lily emerged from Kyle's room.

She walked down the stairs and scanned the living room. Kyle sat on the couch, watching Saturday morning cartoons; Holly was next to him, determined to get a reply out of her nephew. Kyle's parents were in the kitchen, having a quiet conversation.

Holly's face lit up as she saw her daughter walk down the stairs. "Lily! I just heard from your father. He's in Denver at the moment. He'll be here within a half hour. He took the bus."

Lily didn't get a good look at her mother the night she was sent to South Park. Now that they were both here, and Lily had the chance to examine her more closely, it all made sense. When she looked at her dad, her uncle, her aunt and her cousin, she realized she resembled none of them in the slightest. Her dad mentioned that she looked exactly like her mother, but she was sure he was exaggerating. He wasn't.

Lily felt like a watered down version of her mother. She was stunning. They had the same jet black hair, although Lily's was fine and her mother's was thick. They had the same pale skin, the same soft lips, the same small, slightly crooked nose... But it all somehow looked better on Holly. Lily never thought of herself as attractive. Even seeing how similar the two were, Lily thought her mother was far more striking than herself. Perhaps it was just the way Holly carried herself, and confident, I-know-I'm-sexy-and-so-do-you gait. They were both thin, but Holly was curvy, and Lily just felt awkward and scrawny. Holly was stunning, but Lily liked her eyes better. They were her favourite feature, icy blue, almond shaped and intense. She wasn't sure who she got them from, because Holly's eyes were green and her dad's were hazel.

Seeing her gorgeous mother, she couldn't help but wonder how her father wound up with her in the first place. Her father wasn't ugly, but he was far from a prize catch. It just seemed so opposite.

"Lily," her mom continued. "I'm so, so sorry for abandoning you. I just, I donno, we were so young, and I just couldn't handle a child. I thought your father was what I wanted. I was right, but the time wasn't."

"You couldn't handle a child? But obviously my dad could," Lily replied dryly. At this point she was seated on the other side of Kyle on the couch.

"Yes! He was always the more responsible of the two of us. I knew he could take care of you far better than I would have. He did."

Kyle sat silently in the middle of the two girls. His eyes were fixed on the T.V., but he was listening intently to Lily and Holly.

"Look, I appreciate all this, I really do," Lily assured her. "It's just that I'd really rather just live with dad. We don't really need you."

Holly raised her eyebrows. "Really? Well, I think I need you. Sweetie, you will need me."

Lily was about to shoot back that Holy was making this all about herself. Just because she needed them didn't mean they needed her. But before she could open her mouth the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Kyle and Lily cried in unison. They bother wanted to escape Holly.

They both walked towards the door. "She talks a lot," Kyle commented.

"Oh yeah," Lily agreed.

Kyle opened the door. Lily's father stood on the doorstep, looking tired. Upon seeing his daughter, he embraced her.

"Daddy!"

Kyle's parents emerged from the kitchen when they heard the door. The two brothers grinned at each other.

"Danny! Great to see you," Kyle's dad said.

"Likewise, big brother!" Dan replied. He saw Holly and gave her a curt nod. "Holly."

Holly smiled tentatively and arose from the couch. "Look, I know you're not happy with me but I really need you. We can work this out."

"Kyle, why don't you take Lily out so the grown ups can talk," Kyle's dad suggested. Uncle Dan nodded in agreement.

"Lily, you don't need to be here," her dad said gently.

"No!" Holly exclaimed. "Let her stay! You're always sending her off. She's part of this too, she has a right to be involved."

Lily didn't want to have to listen to the adults ramble on, but she was sick of being sent away. She WAS a part of this too.

"Holly, she doesn't need to be here," Dan argued. "This is hard enough for her as it is, she doesn't need to hear us bickering, too."

"Technically, it's a little late for that," Lily put in.

At that very same moment, Stan and Kenny arrived, Cartman not too far behind.

"Great," Kyle muttered to himself.

"Kyle, get your friends out of here," his mom said upon seeing them.

"And take Lily with you," Dan asserted.

"Daniel, let the girl stay. And the boys too! They're a part of this too!" Holly insisted. "They can help us decide."

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Cartman asked.

"We don't need them to help us come to a decision. You just don't want to talk this out like adults and make your own decisions. You'd rather let the kids think for you," Dan accused.

"Can we get out of here?" Stan asked.

"Look, kids, go!" Dan persisted.

"You don't have to!" Holly interjected. "If you stay, I'll buy you all video games."

"Let's stay," Cartman agreed instantly. "We're a vital part in this process."

"You just want to take advantage of Lily's mom," Kyle shot at him.

"No, I'm seriously. We have a chance to make a difference in your cousin's life. Don't you think she deserves that?" Cartman argued.

"No," Lily said firmly. "We're getting out of here. They won't decide anything regardless of our presence. I don't want to be around for the pointless bits." She turned to the adults. A little louder, she declared "I would rather just go back to living with my dad. Just putting that out there."

* * *

They stayed out as late as they could. Cartman got sick of them at around 3:00, and went off to find Butters to pester. They did whatever they could to pass the time. Playing games at the arcade, seeing movies, even throwing rocks at cars, all so Lily didn't have to deal with her parents. Stan let them all come over for supper.

Kenny was for it immediately. "Of course I wanna come over for supper. It would be a nice change. I think we were supposed to have Pop Tarts again tonight. All we have left is blueberry, and I can't stand them."

Kyle would have liked to go home, but that was out o the question, for obvious reasons. Finally, at 10:30, they ran out of things to do, and figured it was time to go home.

Lily's parents were asleep when they got there, but Kyle's dad was still awake, watching T.V. He simply nodded at them as they walked up the stairs to get ready for bed.

"You think they decided anything?" Kyle asked.

"No," Lily said immediately. "In fact, I'm positive they didn't."

They finished getting ready wordlessly, and crawled into their respective beds. Lily didn't fall asleep as soon has her head hit the pillow this time. Instead, she lay there, wide awake and restless.

"Kyle?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?"

She was silent for a moment. "Nothing. Never mind. Goodnight."

"Night."

Finally, Lily fell asleep.

Lily woke up after what felt like five minutes. There was a terrible crick in her neck, and she felt uncomfortable. She almost felt like she was moving. It was still dark. She checked her watch. It read 3:53 A.M.

"Ugh," she groaned. "I just wanna sleep."

"Lily?" a voice said quietly, but it didn't sound like Kyle.

"Kyle?" she asked uncertainly.

"No, of course not dear."

Holly.

Lily sat bolt upright. "What? Where am I?" She looked around and realized that she WAS moving. She was in a car! "Where are we going? What are you doing?"

"We're running away," Holly replied simply.


	4. Holly and Lily

Author's note: Get used to these, I always have something to say

**Author's note:** Get used to these, I always have something to say. Thanks for the reviews! I lobe the feedback. I'm trying to figure out how long this thing is gonna be. I know what's going to happen, but how long can I drag it out? I guess we'll see. Here's chapter three! (Four if you count the prologue. Don't.)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own South Park. YET!! BWAHAHAHAHA ahem. Sorry, sometimes my plans for WORLD DOMINATION get out of control. Yes. Control South Park, CONTROL THE WORLD!! Carry on.

**Chapter Three: Holly and Lily**

_Lily's POV_

For most of the ride, I gave my mother the cold shoulder. Holly tried to make conversation, but I only responded with an impassive "Hmm," if I responded at all. Our longest conversation was:

**Lily: **_(angrily; irritated) _Where are we going?

**Holly: **Oh, I've got a friend in Conifer, we're going to spend a couple nights at his house, and then I'll take you back to my place in Florida. I've got a friend in Littleton, too, but I think it's probably best for you if we stay in Conifer.

**Lily: **_(curious; still irritated) _Why? What's wrong with the friend in Littleton?

**Holly: **_(distractedly) _Oh, no reason. I just don't think you'd get along too well with him.

I duly noted that both of Holly's friends were of the male gender. I wasn't sure how to take it, and I didn't really care. It was just a fact that didn't seem all that important, given the circumstances.

My arms remained crossed the whole way to Conifer, and I refused to uncross them. I was not happy with my current situation. I wanted to be back home in Oregon, back in Bay River with my daddy and my friends... Or, failing that, back in South Park with my cousin and his friends.

Holly continually chattered on about what we were going to do, how much fun we were going to have, and all the wonderful friends I'd make in Florida.

"We have to go shopping. I grabbed your things, but you don't have much, and there isn't much worth keeping, I'm sure. But the very first thing we have to do is get you baptized."

That got my attention. Baptized? "Wait, what?" Who did she think she was?

"Well, yeah," she responded carefully. "I'm Catholic, and if you're going to live with me, you might as well be baptized. You don't want to be Jewish, do you?"

I thought about that for a moment. I wasn't particularly proud of my religion, but I never said I wanted to convert. Then it struck me as a little odd that Holly, of all people, would be worried about my baptismal status.

"Why do you care?" I asked, not worried about being rude. "You hardly seem like the type of person to be religious." It didn't really add up when you thought about it. Or even if you didn't. Holly married young, got divorced and left her husband with a child. Also who knew how many other times she had been married. They didn't really seem like the qualifications for a good Christian. But then again, what did I know?

"Sweetie, no daughter of mine is going to hell, or purgatory, or wherever it is the Jewish go. It wasn't your choice, and I'm not going to let you be doomed because of it."

I scowled at this. "Being baptized isn't really my choice either though."

"No, but at least you'll get into heaven."

I liked that she was so sure.

After that momentary interruption to my silent treatment, I went back to pouting. I wondered how Kyle would take it when he found me missing when he woke up. Would he even care? Would he be able to do anything about it? Knowing about some of his previous adventures, I was sure he could do something about it, but would he?

I checked my watch again and realized that we had been driving for over an hour. I knew that Conifer wasn't that far away, maybe a twenty minute drive, so what was taking us so long? Holly wasn't exactly driving slowly. Did she know where we were going?

I had tried numerous times to get back to sleep, but all were equally unsuccessful. On top of Holly's annoying babble, she had turned on some God awful music. So during the ride I looked out the window. Finally, I saw a sign that read "Welcome to Conifer". The letters were a dark green, and nest to the words there was a pine tree printed on the sign.

Holly smiled and looked back at me. "It's a good thing I have so many friends in so many places. I could run away to just about anywhere in the country."

I was sure to make note of that. She had obviously been around in those eleven years. She probably had friends outside of the U.S. too. International correspondents always came in handy.

When we reached our destination, I initially refused to leave the car. Eventually I gave in though, longing for the comfort of a bed.

When Holly rung the doorbell, a large, blonde man answered the door. The two hugged and the man invited us in. "Holly," he greeted in a deep voice. "Great to see you. And this must be Samantha." Samantha? Was that supposed to be me?

Holly shot me a meaningful look, and I understood that I was to play along. She obviously mentioned it when I was ignoring her. I didn't really feel like playing along, though. I simply nodded noncommittally and kept my head down.

The adults talked a bit, and Lily led me to a bedroom. Still in my pajamas, I crawled in under the covers and fell asleep instantly.

I considered calling social services more than once, but I didn't have a cell phone and I had no access to a phone that I could use without being seen.

I wasn't sure about this "friend" of Holly's. I couldn't be sure, but they seemed pretty close. I wondered if maybe they were more than friends. Maybe they were related or something, and Holly didn't want me to know, but I couldn't imagine why she would keep that secret.

When I left my room, I walked into the kitchen to find the man in his boxers. He was making toast. I grimaced at the image, and didn't talk to him, simply acknowledging him with a curt nod. Holly came out of the bathroom wearing a low neck, short nightgown. I sat down and stared at the table intently. This wasn't going well.

I felt so awkward. I ignored the adults' conversation, knowing that it would be something extremely boring.

I spent the rest of that day and the next day in "my" room, watching T.V. on the dinky little television that was hooked up in there. I didn't know what my mom and that other man (I think his name was Jeff) were doing, and I didn't want to know, either.

Every so often I wondered about what was going on back in Bay River. Did my friends notice I was gone? I hoped they did. It would really do a number on my self esteem if they didn't care that I was missing for over a week. Also I was probably missing out on a lot at school.

Finally, on our third day in Conifer, Holly informed me that we were going to Florida.

"Come on sweetie, get your things."

The plan was to catch a plane from Denver and fly to Miami and then go to Holly's house. I had no choice in any of this, and I knew that I was doomed. I couldn't see any way out of this on my own. I could make a break for it, no problem, that wasn't my issue. I had no money, though, and if I did get away, what was I supposed to do then? Go back to Oregon? Go back to South Park? I suppose I could hitchhike, but Holly would know where to find me.

She bade her friend (who I now knew was called Jake. Or maybe Joe) farewell, and we were off. The trip to Denver didn't take very long, and soon we were on a flight, first class, to Miami. I slept the whole way there.

Holly had a car waiting for her. On our way back to her house, we made a quick stop. We were at the animal shelter.

"Let's get you a kitten. I saw the most darling white one the other day, I think he would be perfect. As long as he wasn't adopted already."

We took the kitten, and bought him some supplies, like food and a kennel. He was tiny and fuzzy, with pale blue eyes. As much as I resented who got him for me, I loved the kitten. I just needed a name for him.

I found Florida way too hot for my taste. I liked the weather back home. I even preferred the cold mountain weather to this heat.

Holly unlocked the house and showed me where I would be staying. It was fairly big with pink walls, pink covers on the bed, and general girly decorations. It looked like a unicorn blew up.

"I've been saving this room for you. For when, well, this happened. What do you think?"

"It looks like a unicorn blew up," I replied.

Holly just exhaled and smiled. "Well, I'll let you get settled."

I threw myself on the bed and sighed. A tiny mew came from the kennel on the floor and I let the cat out. He jumped up on the bed and rubbed his head against my foot. I picked him up and cuddled him. "Holly shouldn't worry about me going to hell," I said to the kitty. I looked at my surroundings. "It's a little too late for that."


	5. Finding Lily

**Author's note: **Alright, OK, This took some thought. Sorry about the random switches to first person. I just figure that now the story's going, we could use a little more personal view on things. There will still be third person later on, just a couple first person chapters. This one starts off in Oregon in the POV of one of Lily's friends, and then switches to Kyle. Just bear with me.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own South Park. What? Were you expecting something?

**Chapter 4: Finding Lily**

_Eva's POV_

I had known Lily for most of my life, and I considered her my best friend. I liked to think that the feeling was reciprocated, but I knew better. Lily' main group of friends consisted of her and three boys. She had always been a little odd, but I simply attributed that to her lack of a certain parent.

Although I knew Lily would rather hang out with Warren, Derek and Brent, I cared for her. I was probably one of the reasons she hadn't inadvertently died or been thrown in juvenile hall. She was ridiculously impulsive, and had some pretty bad luck, so I was sort of her protector whether she liked it (or knew it) or not.

So, naturally, when she disappeared, I was worried sick. I was also the only one who noticed, or even really cared.

It wasn't that the guys were bad friends. They were just irresponsible, and trusted Lily a little more than they should. They cared about Lily, but they seemed convinced she was fine. I confronted Warren first, because I thought he would side with me fastest. He also seemed to have a lot of influence on the other two, so if I had him on my side, the other two would be more likely to follow.

"Look, Eva, this kind of thing happens all the time. She'll turn up after having some brilliant adventure, and maybe we'll be a little mad at her for not taking us along, but other than that, things will go back to normal." Warren was confident in his theory, but I wasn't so sure.

"Maybe, but I have a bad feeling about this," I replied.

"You need to trust that Lily can handle herself. She doesn't need you to be her mother," he shot back.

I was perfectly capable of arguing, and I wouldn't give up until I had the boys looking for Lily with me. "Maybe she does. Maybe that's why she's so reckless. She might be in serious danger. You want that on your conscience? If she dies, can you live with the guilt?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Guilt tripping won't work; I've worked up immunity."

I glared at him. It was time to use the anger tactic. "You are so useless! I can't believe you have any friends, or even exist! I can't believe you would just sit back while your friend could be kidnapped, lost, or hurt!" Warren wasn't a horrible person, but I had to fight dirty if I wanted to save Lily.

"You don't understand how these things work. It always works out." I could tell he was starting to crack. There was a glint of worry in his eyes.

I decided to go a little more with the anger, and then quickly switch to play the friend card.

"It's always worked itself out? Every single time? Well, of course it would! That's just the way the world works!" My eyes were on fire as I glared at him. "Nobody ever gets hurt, or kidnapped, or killed!"

Warren shifted on the spot, and looked like he was about to say something, but I cut him off.

"Look, I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do," I said gently. I sighed. "It's just that, Lily's your friend, and I know she would do it for you."

He looked at me in disbelief. "I don't believe you. I can't believe you've pulled me into this. Fine, I'll come with you to find Lily, but I donno if the other guys will. Just so you know, Lily won't like it if I was right. She won't want to be interrupted, so she better be in some kind of trouble."

"Stop and think about everything that was wrong with that sentence," I said, rolling my eyes.

My theory was correct. Get Warren and the rest of them will follow. So now, with the boys on my side, we just had to figure out where to start looking.

"Well, she's been gone all school week. When was the last time anyone saw her?"

"I saw her Saturday, we all hung out," Warren answered.

I nodded. "OK, what about Sunday?"

Derek fielded this one. "Nope, we didn't do anything Sunday. And she wasn't at school on Monday."

I nodded again. It was now Friday and she hadn't been at school all week. "Was she at home during the week?"

"Why can't you just go find her yourself?" Brent asked. He was still unhappy about this.

"Because, I don't think she'll listen to me. Now shut up and get over yourself," I snapped. Lily was nice enough to me, but I was pretty sure her friends didn't like me.

"I checked to see if she was at home on Monday and Tuesday, but she wasn't," Warren replied to my question

"Thank you. So obviously she's not in Bay River. Where could she have gone? Does she have any other family she could be visiting?"

"Well, her dad was still there, so she probably wasn't with family, unless she went by herself," Derek said.

"Well, duh! Her dad! He can help us! Let's get to Lily's!" I exclaimed as I jumped up.

We left my house and walked down the road. Lily didn't live to far away from me. I was ahead of everyone, with Derek hot on my trail, Warren practically right beside him, and Brent lagging behind.

"Hurry up fatty!" I yelled. I was excited. How come I didn't think of this before?

When we reached the door, I rang the doorbell, and Lily's dad answered it. He looked like he was in a rush, and ready to go somewhere.

"Hi kids," he greeted us. "Lily's not here right now, I'm sorry. Actually, I was just leaving myself."

"Well, actually, we were hoping you could tell us where Lily is?" I asked tentatively.

"What? Oh, um, Colorado," he replied distractedly.

"Where in Colorado?" asked Brent.

"South Park. OK, can you kids go now? I have to finish getting ready. Bye!" And with that he closed the door on us.

"Well, looks like we're going to Colorado."

* * *

_Kyle's POV_

Sunday morning I was up early. At first, I didn't notice Lily's absence, but when I did, I didn't think twice about it. She was probably already up, having breakfast without the rest of us.

I descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen, but she wasn't there. Well, she had to be somewhere. Maybe she was just hiding to screw with me. I was the only one up otherwise.

I sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes, waiting to see if maybe Lily would come and join me. When she didn't, I prepared some toast, making extra just in case and poured myself some orange juice.

It wasn't long before Ike joined me. He helped himself to some toast, and asked where Lily was. Ike seemed to really like our cousin.

"I'm not sure where she is, Ike," I muttered across the table.

A banging noise came from upstairs. Immediately my eyes shot to the ceiling, and I wondered what was happening. Maybe Lily was doing something. I probably shouldn't have been worrying, but I couldn't help it. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

More crashing came from up the stairs and I began to wonder what in the hell was going on. Ike babbled something about the noise, and just as I was about to get up and inspect, Uncle Dan came running down the stairs.

"Kyle? Ike? Have either of you seen Holly or Lily?" he asked urgently. I was right about something being wrong, and my heart sunk as I slowly realized what was going on.

"No, we haven't," I replied quietly.

"God damn it, I knew it was a bad idea to come here. But what was I supposed to do, just let Holly come here on her own and win? Well, it looks like she won anyway, but... Argh this is horrible. Poor Lily, having to go through all this. And you guys! I feel so bad," Dan rambled. I couldn't tell if he was talking to himself or me.

"Look, don't worry about it," I assured my uncle. "Are my parents up yet?" Normal people would have been waken by the crashing, but my parents could sleep through the apocalypse and not even realize it.

"Yeah, they're making a few phone calls. Shit!" Uncle Dan cursed. He continued rambling about how it was entirely his fault, and how he felt bad about screwing up his child's life, all with interspaced swears.

Suddenly, my uncle's face lit up. "Obviously Holly took Lily, but where? She has friends everywhere, as she so kindly informed me last week. It would probably be easiest to take her home, but where does she live? Damn it! I can't remember." He was on the edge of hysterics. Clearly he cared for his daughter.

Just then my dad came down the stairs. "Lily isn't at any of Kyle's friends' houses."

"Of course not," Uncle Dan snapped. "Holly ran away with Lily."

My dad nodded solemnly. "I thought as much. I just hoped she hadn't. Well, where could they have gone?"

A frown creased Dan's forehead as he thought. "Holly has a few friends in Colorado. She could be staying with one of them. Or she just went straight home. But I'm not sure where home is..."

"Don't worry, Danny," my dad said, patting his brother on the back. "We'll get your daughter back. You can sue, and with my awesome lawyer powers on your side, Holly won't even be allowed to think about Lily ever again."

Ding dong!

* * *

_Eva's POV_

"Jesus Christ, this is bullshit!" Brent complained as we walked up to the house. "I mean, fuck, can't we just find Lily and go home?"

Warren rolled his eyes. "Obviously not, asshole. Apparently we don't know where Lily's cousin's house is. Somebody," he looked over at me, "didn't plan this out too well."

It was Saturday morning, and we had been up all night trying to get to this stupid town.

"Well, I'm sorry, but we had very limited time," I said in my defense. It really didn't help the situation when the boys blamed everything on me.

"That's no excuse, you still could have figured this out, you dumb bitch!" Brent snapped back at me. I was used to this.

"Oh, get over yourself, you retard."

He just glared back at me, and I smirked. It wasn't like he was doing anything to help.

"This must be it," I muttered as we approached the door. Derek rung the doorbell and a younger boy in a green cap answered it. He looked confused.

"Can I help you?" he asked, a little rudely.

I was about to explain our situation when a voice inside the house said my name. "Eva? Warren? Derek? _Brent_?" He stressed Brent's name in disbelief.

I grinned sheepishly. "Hi Mr. Broflovski." We had the right house at least. Lily's dad looked upset, and the boy still looked confused.

"Um, who the hell are you people?" the confused boy asked.

"Kyle, don't be rude," another voice from inside the house said. The man looked similar to Lily's dad, and I guessed that they were brothers. So the green hat boy was Lily's cousin.

I smiled graciously, despite his impolite tone. "We're Lily's friends," I replied.

Brent disagreed. "No, we're Lily's friends. You're her unwanted protector."

"Oh my God Brent, you stupid fat ass shut up," Derek sighed. Brent wasn't exactly fat, but he was still fatter than the other two, so they made fun of him anyways.

Before a fight could start, Lily's cousin interrupted. "Just come in."

"About time," Brent grumbled. "Colorado's fucking cold..."

* * *

We all sat around a table. Lily's cousin, who I now knew was named Kyle, his parents, and Lily's dad sat on one side of the table, facing me and the guys. Kyle's friends had also arrived because his parents called theirs, and they wanted to know what was going on. We were discussing what had happened, what we were doing, and what we were going to do.

"Florida!" Lily's dad shouted.

We all looked at him, puzzled. "What are you talking about?" his brother asked.

Lily's dad was grinning widely. "That's where Lily is. Florida. That's where Holly lives. I'm not sure where in Florida, but we'll find her. I think she's in Miami, but I don't know for certain."

I perked up at this. "So we're going to Florida!"

"No, _we're _not," Lily's dad replied. "_We're_, as in the adults are going. _You're_ staying home."

"What?"

"Why?"

"Like hell I'm not!"

"You can't just send us back after we've worked so hard!" I protested.

"We can, and we will."

The children scowled and the adults looked like their minds were made up. It was final. But we were going to save Lily. We knew they couldn't do it. The four Oregonian children exchanged looks with the four Coloradan children. I wasn't sure how much they wanted to save Lily, but there was no way they would suffer this indignity; they were coming whether They wanted to save her or not. It was understood that we would join up, a rescue team of eight, ready to scour the state of Florida for the eleven year old girl kidnapped by her own, long lost mother.

**Author's Note: **Meh. Not my best, but Better is coming. I wrote the last part at like 1:00 in the morning, so go easy. It might change it, so calm down. And Eva is supposed to be sort of a lame character, and Lily's friends are KIND OF like the South Park gang. So yeah. It's intentional. Next one coming soon, and I think it'll be easier to write. Peace out until then!


	6. The Oregolorado Team Rescue Crew

**Author's Note: **OK! Things are REALLY on their way now! But there is still a LOOONG way to go. Hope you're enjoying so far...

**Disclaimer: **Hmm, I'm running out of ideas... NOT FOR THE STORIES! Just for my entertaining disclaimers. What?! They actually AREN'T entertaining? Well, I'll be damned. People usually don't read these things anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter. So, I don't own South Park, and now my story.

**Chapter 5: The Oregolorado Team Rescue Crew**

"God damn it!"

A lot of swearing was taking place while Kyle's parents and Lily's dad made preparations for their departure. The plan was to send Kyle and Lily's friends to stay with Butters. They refused to go back to Oregon, so they asked the Stotches to take them in for a little while at least. The call had been made mere minutes ago, and the Stotches gladly decided to let Kyle, Warren, Brent, Derek and Eva stay with them for a while.

However, before they were going anywhere, all eight of them were seated around the table still, making their plans.

"Look, I told you, it won't work!"

"God damn it!"

"God damn you!"

They were as close to shouting as they could be. They didn't want the adults to find out about their plans, so they were whisper shouting.

"People, please, just shut up for a minute!" Kyle said softly. "We really need to think this through."

"Well, naturally Kyle thinks we need to think this through," Cartman commented. They had taken to ignoring his, and Brent's comments and criticisms. It just worked better that way, but there was still a myriad of swears.

"Well, we have to get out of here before we're sent off to Butters' house," Kyle reasoned. "We can still get away if we wind up with the douche bag, but it'll be a hell of a lot harder."

"He's right," Eva agreed instantly.

"So the retard bitch agrees with the Jew. We're going to listen to the two lamest people here?"

Stan rolled his eyes at Cartman. "OK, so we know that. "How" is the real problem. How in the hell are we supposed to get out of here? How are we getting to Florida? How are we going to find Lily once we get there?"

"All very good questions," Derek said, nodding.

"Yeah, now answer them!" Warren added.

"That's what we're here for," Eva sighed.

"I thought we were here to find Lily," Derek put in, confused.

"We're in South Park to find Lily. We're here right now to answer those questions!"

"But Lily's not even in South Park!" Derek pointed out.

"I know! That's why we're answering the questions! To find her!" Eva nearly shouted in exasperation.

"OK, OK, just calm down and keep quiet," Kyle advised.

"I have an idea."

"Wait, we're all tamed up now, right?" Brent asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Eva sighed.

"Well, if we're a team, we need a kick ass name!"

"I have an idea!"

"Fucking hell Brent! Not appropriate!" Derek scolded.

"How is it not appropriate? We could use a name. Just for a sense of togetherness if nothing else," Brent shot back.

"Well, this isn't exactly the time to be thinking of that," Warren pointed out.

"Look, let's just think of a name real quick, and then get on with it," Stan suggested.

"I have a God damn idea!"

"Well, no, we can't just think of a name. It has to be perfect, and kick ass!" Brent argued.

"I think finding Lily is a little more important."

"I have a mother fucking idea!" Kenny almost yelled.

"Whoa, dude, calm down!"

"Let's hear him out."

"By the sound of it, Holly has a lot of money," Kenny began.

"How do you figure that?" Cartman interrupted, looking slightly intrigued.

Kenny scowled. "I was getting to that!"

"What the hell is he saying?" Warren asked.

"Can you just let me talk?"

"Kenny has an idea," Kyle said.

"As I was saying, it seems like Holly has a lot of money. She was able to fly here, and have her car sent here too. She can afford to make a getaway, and she can afford to live in Florida," Kenny continued.

"Sounds like your jealous," Cartman shot.

"OK, but what does that have to do with anything?" Stan asked.

"She has that as an advantage, so that makes things all that more difficult for us," Kenny explained.

"How about we call our team the Tigers," Brent suggested.

"Shut up you lard tard!" Warren snapped. "Besides, that's lame."

"We're calling ourselves the Oregolorado Team Rescue Crew, and that is NOT up for debate!" Eva declared, eyes blazing. "Continue," she said calmly, gesturing toward Kenny.

Kenny nodded in appreciation and continued. "At first I thought of hitchhiking. We can't pay for a plane ticket there, and taking the bus would be impractical." At the "can't afford" part, Cartman said "speak for yourself," but Kenny continued unfazed. "But I knew that eight people hitchhiking wouldn't work. So how else could we travel for free? The best way would be to get a ride, or get our own vehicle. I ruled out grand theft auto, although if it all comes down to it, I have no objections to it..."

"So whose car are we stealing?"

Kenny rolled his eyes. There had been a lot of eye rolling. "My dad's cousin has a van. We can ask him if he can drive us, and if he says no, we can just take it ourselves. His name is Rick and he lives just outside of town."

"Sweet."

"Sounds good."

"Problem solved."

"NOT!" Eva exclaimed. "If Rick says no, then it's no and we'll have to find some other way! The oldest of us is twelve! We can't drive, and don't get me started on the stealing."

More eye rolling. "Don't worry," Kenny assured Eva. "It won't be stealing, it will be borrowing, sorry about the cliché, and it's not like we haven't driven before."

"Yeah, even we've driven," Warren scoffed.

Eva looked at them in disbelief, but her expression softened. "Alright. It's for Lily. I'd gladly resort to illegal driving and grand theft auto to keep her safe. She just seems to attract trouble."

"Wow, you don't sound the least bit gay," Brent muttered.

"So we better get out of here before our party of eight gains another member," Kyle whispered urgently. They could easily get away from Butters' house; it just meant that he had to come with them.

Unfortunately they were too late.

Kyle's mom's voice called from the living room. "Stan, Kenny, Eric, I want you all to go home now, OK? I'm going to take the others over to the Stotches' OK? We're going to leave in a little bit. Kyle, I want you to behave yourself, OK?"

"Yeah mom. What are you doing with Ike?" The eight kids filed into the living room.

"He's coming with us. Children under five travel for free, and he just likes Lily so much, I thought it would mean a lot to him if he could come," Kyle's mom replied.

Everyone's eyes widened. "What?" Kyle cried.

"Airplane!" Ike shouted.

"Come on boys," Kyle's dad said. "I'll drive."

"I'm not a boy," Eva pointed out, but she was ignored.

Kenny gave the five who were being exiled a small wink, signaling that the plan was still on. They just needed to bring Butters now. It was going to be a long few days.

**Author's Note: **Yeah, a little confusing, and kind of dumb. I donno how much longer I can do this... But I HAVE to go on! Hope you're enjoying so far...


	7. Road Trip

**Author's Note: **Yay progress! More is on its way! Get ready for a nice, long-ass chapter! A lot going on, so try and keep up will you? Sorry it took so long. A lack of inspiration was the cause for delay. Maybe some reviews...

**Disclaimer: **Not owning South Park doesn't make me any less of a man. Of course, being in high school and not being male does. Yeah, no I don't own South Park...

**Chapter 6: Road Trip**

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No!"

"Are we-?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE I'M TRYING TO DRIVE!"

After sneaking out of Butters' house on Sunday morning, Butters included, the boys (and Eva) met up with Stan, Kenny and Cartman and trekked to Kenny's dad's cousin's house. Rick was passed out on the couch, so they simply took it as a "yes" when he snored in answer to their question. The keys were nowhere to be found, so it was a good thing Derek knew how to hotwire a car. Stan was driving.

"This van is hot, and it smells like piss, and it's cramped, and there are no seats. I HATE sitting on the floor."

"Cartman, shut up."

They were not looking forward to this trip. They calculated that with stops for gas, it would take about a day and a half to drive to Miami if they didn't stop to sleep. If they did, it would take a little less than three days to get there.

"As long as we drive twelve hours, and sleep for eight, we should be fine," Eva declared. "That gives us four hours for gas and rest stops."

"Jesus, twelve hours?" Brent whined. "For three days?"

"Yep."

"Lame."

"Three days?!" Butters cried out in alarm. "B-but if I'm missing for three days I'll be g-grounded!"

"Butters," Cartman replied calmly. "What have we told you?"

"Um, not to be a whiny little pussy?" he guessed in response.

"Well, yes, that too. Not the answer I'm looking for, though. Think harder Butters, what _else_ have we told you?" Cartman prompted.

"Um..."

"To _trust _us Butters," Cartman answered. "You need to learn to _trust_ us. A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of _trust_." Because we all know Cartman is the master at "healthy" relationships. "OK? You have to _trust_ that we can take care of it, _trust_ that we know what we're doing. Alright?"

"OK."

They had only been driving for an hour, and they hadn't even left Colorado yet. It was going to be a long trip.

"Are we there yet?"

* * *

"OK, well, I'm sorry sir, our flights to Miami are booked for the next, let's see, three days."

The Broflovskis were at the South Park airport, trying to get airplane tickets. Unfortunately, things were not going well for them.

"Three days? Well, what about to Orlando?" Lily's dad asked urgently.

"Oh, we don't connect flights to Orlando anymore," the attendant replied in a falsely cheery voice. "There was an incident involving shoe polish, hairspray and a nail gun."

Dan looked the blonde up and down. If it weren't for the aggravated glint in her eyes being hidden by her fake smile, her complete lack of a chest and his annoyance with the inability to get a flight, Dan would have flirted with her. But now was neither the time nor the place. He had a child to save!

"What about from Denver to Miami?" Dan asked.

"No, we just got a call from them letting us know that all of their flights to the whole state of Florida are cancelled," she replied in a falsely apologetic tone.

"I really need to get to Miami!" Dan explained.

"Yes sir, I understand," the blonde said in a voice reminiscent of one dealing with slow toddlers. "There are other people who have to deal with this problem, too. We are terribly sorry, but you're just going to have to wait.

"But if it's any consolation," she added, almost as an afterthought, "we can room you in the Airport Hotel until your flight. For free."

"Fine."

"Alright, thank you for using South Park Airlines, have a nice day."

Dan walked over to Sheila and Gerald, who were sitting in the chairs by the lineup. "Well, we don't get to fly out for three days."

"Three days?!"

"Yep. But we get a free room at the Airport Hotel until then."

"I guess it's probably smarter than going back to the house. It's right here."

Things weren't going as planned, but they were going to find Lily, even if they were a little delayed.

* * *

Lily woke up fully clothed on top of the covers, and sighed when she realized she was in Florida. The fuzzy white kitten that still had yet to be named had his head nestled in the crook of Lily's arm, purring softly as he slept. Her watch read 8:26 which meant she still had some time to walk around for a bit. She knew she shouldn't be exploring Miami alone in the evening, but being abducted would sure beat her current situation.

Lily crept out of her room and wandered into the living room. Holly was passed out on the couch with the TV on. She decided to leave a note, just in case. She also stole some money out of Holly's purse. She felt bad about it, but she had no money for herself, and Holly could spare a few bucks. By the look of the house she was loaded.

It felt good to be out of the house. Granted, Miami was hot and humid, but the feeling of freedom was nice, even if it was only temporary. Lily looked around and scowled. She had to get out of the residential area before she did anything else. Lily's sense of direction wasn't the best, but it was good enough to remember how to get back to the house... she hoped.

After finally getting out of the residential, Lily wasn't sure where to go from there. There were a few stores, but none she had ever heard of before. She decided to go to the gas station. She was sure what that was at least. The convenience store was well-stocked, and she picked out a few energy drinks. She was only slightly addicted to them. Along with some Starburst and Skittles, Lily bought a 4-pak of Monster, two Red Bulls, some Full Throttle, NOS and a can of Black Magic. Only slightly addicted...

Her unhealthy, sugar-filled purchases cost a small fortune, but she had taken enough money to make a couple more stops. Unfortunately, the clerk tried to speak in Spanish to her initially. Lily didn't speak Spanish.

"Um, I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish."

"Oh, sorry," the man replied. He spoke perfect English, so why the Spanish? "48.27 please."

"Here."

Lily left the store thoroughly confused, and made her way across the street to what she took as a video store. Well, it was a video store alright, just not the kind she thought. It took her a while because everyone spoke Spanish in there, too, and she left slightly scarred after figuring it out.

"OK, I'm going home now. Home? Hmm, hardly. I'm going back to Holly's I think two stores is plenty, and I'm stocked up." Lily was rambling to herself.

Holly was still asleep when Lily got back, so she promptly destroyed the note she made and stashed her purchases under her bed. "Ugh, this room is disgusting."

Lily sighed and the fuzzy white kitten mewed at her. She scooped him up and cradled him in her arms. The reality of the situation was finally starting to sink in. Until now, she just felt a little resigned and defiant. As she cradled the kitten, she felt her eyes moisten. She was scared. She was in a strange city with the mother she didn't know, far away from her home, her cousin, and friends of any kind. She felt devastatingly alone. It wasn't long before she found herself sobbing into the kitten's fur. He mewed in protest as she cuddled him a little too tightly. Lily wasn't much of a crier, but she couldn't help herself.

Then she felt a sudden surge of anger. She was pissed off. She wanted to be back in Oregon, far away from Florida, her mother and all these Spanish douches. Lily was tempted to storm out and start smashing things. But her anger was short-lived, and she just felt tired.

"Kitty, I think I'm going to go crazy, if I haven't already. This is just getting retarded," Lily slurred just as she fell asleep.

* * *

"How long has it been?"

"Since our last stop? Five minutes. Look, we'll just keep going and in the next town we'll stop and find a hotel," Stan replied.

"Wait, how much money do we have?" Eva asked urgently.

"What?"

"Dumbasses! We need money for gas, hotels and food! Did you think we could just go without money?"

Tension was high in the van. The nine were not getting along, and there was still two more days at east until they got even close to Miami. Basically, they were all screwed.

Eva wouldn't stop pointing out flaws, Cartman and Kyle wouldn't stop arguing, Derek and Warren wouldn't shut up about some of the lamest topics ever, Butters kept whining about how much trouble he would be in if they didn't pull this off, and Brent wouldn't stop complaining. Stan was just about to turn around and murder every single one of them. Kenny was the only one who wasn't being a complete douche.

"Lily's doomed. Honestly, if this is her rescue party, she doesn't stand a chance. The adults aren't going to be able to do anything, we already know that, we don't have any money, and she can't just run away. She's doomed!" Eva declared dramatically.

"Shut up, she is not doomed," Kyle asserted. "We all brought a little money, and we can always just sell Butters into slavery if we get a little short."

"What?!"

"Kidding, Butters. Only a joke," Kyle assured him.

"Plus my uncle always keeps some 'emergency' money under the driver's seat," Kenny spoke up for the first time in two hours. "We have plenty of money, so calm yourself. As long as you don't mind sleeping in a crappy motel we'll be fine."

"Well, maybe some of us are used to it," Cartman complained, "but there is no way I'm sleeping in some shithole!"

"OK, then you can sleep in the van!" Kyle suggested lightly. "There's no way we're affording anything better."

"God damn it."

"Yeah, sucks to be you."

"OK, shut up already, the next town's only ten miles away. We'll find a Motel 6 or something," Stan announced. "No more whining, or I swear to God I'll leave you all in the van, got it?"

"We'll be good," Kyle promised his friend.

Cartman opened his mouth, but Eva shot him a death glare. There was no way she was spending any more time than she had to in this van.

For Kenny, the motel was quite nice. Yeah, it was cramped, smelly, and probably cum-filled, but at least there was a continental breakfast in the morning that probably included more than frozen waffles and pop tarts. They decided to get two rooms. One for Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Butters, and one for Derek, Brent, Warren and Eva.

"This is insane. I'm the only girl here; shouldn't I get my own room?" Eva complained.

"No, we only have enough for two rooms!"

"Why do I have to sleep on the floor," Butters complained alternatively.

"Because there are only two beds, and there's no room for three in any of them."

"Wait, we have to share beds?!" Brent exclaimed.

"Yes, unless YOU wanna sleep on the floor."

"This is gay."

"So gay."

"Hey look, the chair folds out!" Cartman cried, pleased with his discovery. "Kenny, sleep on the chair bed."

"What? Let Butters sleep there!" Kenny protested.

"No Kenny, I need my own bed," Cartman said calmly.

"Cartman you asshole!" Kyle shouted angrily. "Why should you get your own bed when Butters has to sleep on the floor? Why don't you take the chair bed and let Kenny and Butters share the big bed?"

"Because I need my own bed."

"You will have your own bed!" Stan entered the argument.

"Ch'yeah right, a chair bed. Hardly counts!" Cartman scoffed in disgust.

"Kenny, you're sharing a bed with either Cartman or Butters," Kyle declared firmly. "Cartman, would you rather have your own chair bed, or share a real bed?"

"I'd rather have my own real bed," Cartman countered.

"I told you your choices, so pick one of those, or you sleep on the floor," Kyle hissed, eyes blazing. He didn't have time for this crap.

"Fine. Kenny, don't infect me with your poor germs."

For the duration of the argument, Kenny and Butters remained silent. Kenny knew that whatever the outcome, he would get the short end of the stick. Sharing a bed with Cartman or Butters was far from his idea of fun. Stan and Kyle were at least semi-nice to him, and he would much rather shared a bed with one of them, but that was out of the question. Kenny sighed. The idea of a road trip rescue mission seemed fantastic at the time, but this was turning out to be gayer than he could have imagined.

Butters, on the other hand, didn't mind the shabby treatment. He was more that used to it by now. None of the crap they dished out could really get to him though. He was just glad to be with his buddies.

"OK, wake up at 7:00, leave at 8:00," Stan reminded them. "Goodnight."

"Night," the room replied.

As Cartman lay in bed in the dark, he eyed the opposite bed. The shadowy form of Kyle rose and fell with his breathing. Cartman's eyes narrowed. "You're up to something, I just know it," Cartman muttered. "You and that cousin of yours. This is all some kind of trick. You just want to get back at me for last week. Why can't you handle the fact that I beat you fair and square?"

"Did you say something?" Kenny asked, half asleep.

"Yeah, I told you to move over, gay wad. We don't need to be fucking spooning!" Cartman covered in flawless false fury.

"Sorry," Kenny replied, and moved closer. Just to piss him off.

"Kenny, fuck off!" Cartman hissed and pushed Kenny off the bed.

Kenny grinned from the floor. It was so worth it. He climbed back up on the bed and whispered a "Nighty night, sweetums," in his near perfect Mrs. Cartman impression.

"Night mommy," Cartman murmured in response.

Kenny grinned widely in the dark before falling asleep. He might as well make the most of this.

Morning came none too quickly for any of them. The night was not a fun one, and everyone was cranky and on edge. This wasn't as fun or practical as any of them would have thought, and they were already low on cash.

"Great idea, Kenny. Just fantastic!" Cartman chastised

"This thing gets like, no mileage!" Eva complained.

"Well, nobody had any better ideas, or any other ideas at all for that matter!" Kenny defended. If it weren't for me we'd still be at Kyle's arguing!"

"Actually, we'd be at Butters'" Stan pointed out.

"Whatever."

"Can we just shut up arguing for like, three seconds?!" Warren asked, exasperated. "Don't worry about cash. Derek and I have accommodations covered, and we can always siphon gas if we have to."

"Siphon? Seriously?" asked Eva, distressed.

"Well, if it comes to that," Warren replied. "Just remember, we're doing it for Lily."

"For Lily," Eva agreed, reassured.

"OK, one day down, two to go. We can do this," Kyle declared.

"Ugh, this is so lame; we have to get through all the hick states to get to Florida. This is gonna suck ass," Brent whined.

"Oh, shut up," Derek snapped. "Let's just get going, we've got a long way to go. You still driving Stan?"

"Yeah, fine."

They piled into the van and braced themselves for day two of their rescue mission. Stan was a pretty good driver, but it was a wonder they hadn't been pulled over yet. A nine year old driving a van full of nine, eleven and twelve year olds wasn't exactly inconspicuous. But so far they were lucky. Hopefully they could keep up this luck until they got to Miami.

"...97...98...99...100..."

"Butters, what the hell are you doing?" Cartman asked, agitated.

"I'm counting the posts along the fence!" Butters replied cheerily.

"Well, can you do it in your head?! Nobody needs to hear your whiny, annoying voice for twelve hours."

"S-sorry."

They drove on the highway, the countryside rolling past them. It was a fantastic sight, endless fields, cows, corn as the sun set on the horizon... But nobody was looking at the scenery. Eva, Derek and Kyle were all fast asleep, and Butters joined them after his verbal beating; Cartman and Brent were bonding; Kenny had his head buried in a "special" magazine he bought at the last stop and Warren was attempting to strike up a conversation with him. Stan's attention was focused intently on the road, and he was glad for the semi-silence. It was nice to have some peace in the van for once.

"There's a small town in a few miles up, maybe we can find a motel there," Stan stated to the passengers who were awake.

"No way, I'm not going to stay in some hick hotel in some hick town!" Cartman complained.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Cartman, we're not having this argument with you every time we need to stop! Besides, I can't just keep driving, I need to stop soon."

"Fine, we'll stop if you need to rest so bad you pussy."

Stan rolled his eyes. It was nice while it lasted. They made it to a small town and found a motel. It was even less glamorous than the last, but Warren claimed they could make it two to a room, while Eva would get her own room. While Warren and Derek took care of things at the desk, the others waited in the lobby.

"Got the key cards!" Derek cried triumphantly.

"But we only had enough money for two, how did you get five?" Eva asked nervously. This was already going to get them in a lot of trouble. How could they possibly get in any more? She knew they would be.

"We have our ways," Warren sing-songed, tapping his nose.

They filed into their rooms for a more comfortable night in their own beds. Well, they weren't so comfortable. The beds were rock hard and the pillows were flat. But they had their own beds, and they got along, for the most part. Kenny was stuck with Butters, and Cartman roomed with Brent.

The night passed quickly, and they were ready for their final day of their journey. They were getting close. On the down side, it was getting hotter, and the van lacked air conditioning. This sparked more unrest among the Oregolorado Team Rescue Crew. They didn't need anymore conflict, especially when they were so close...

Stan wanted to spend as little time in the van with these guys as possible, so he drove a little faster for the last day. They made it to Miami early. Now they just needed to find the house.

"Fantastic, this is the second time we've done this," Brent complained.

"Yeah, only this time it's a bigger city, and we're looking for a person with a more common last name," Warren pointed out.

"Shit."

* * *

Maybe it was because she hadn't eaten too much for the last couple days, maybe it was going from the dry cold of the Colorado Rockies to the humid heat of Florida, or it might have even been the two energy drinks she chugged five minutes ago, but Lily wasn't feeling good. She felt sort of nauseous, her head hurt and she just felt an all around nastiness. In fact, she was delirious enough to call Holly "mommy".

"Mo-mommy, I don't feel so good," she slurred as she stumbled out of her room.

Holly was seated in the kitchen, and immediately took sympathy on her daughter. "Oh, Lily, sweetie, here. Take an Advil, and I have the best cure for any ailment: shopping! You could use a new wardrobe, and I can buy you some other things to add homey comforts to your room."

"No, not shopping," Lily protested weakly. "Anything but shopping. Can I just rest please?"

"Oh, you must be sick if you don't want to shop!" Holly cried.

Lily proceeded to eat, and get ready, and somehow found herself in the mall. Her head was starting to clear up, and the energy drinks were starting to kick in. "Wait, what the hell?"

"Honey, isn't this the cutest?"

Lily blinked a couple times as she noticed the shopping bags and peeked inside. Actually, the clothes weren't half bad, but now was not the time. Lily wasn't supposed to be enjoying this! This was supposed to be an injustice against nature. But that green tank top...

"Um, I think I'm feeling better now. Can we just go back, I need some rest," Lily pleaded. She was still a little groggy.

"But honey, we still have a few more stores to go to! You need makeup," Holly exclaimed.

Lily groaned and shook her head. "No, I think the shopping's worked its magic. We can buy makeup later. Right now, I just need some sleep."

"Well if you're better, you can shop some more..." Holly suggested. She really wanted to keep going.

"_No_," Lily asserted. "I just want to go."

"Well, I guess you can just use some of mine until we get you some..." Holly trailed. "Alright, let's get out of here."

Lily yawned widely as they made their way to Holly's car. Florida was not agreeing with her.

The second they walked through the door, Lily abandoned her purchases and made her way straight to her room. She was greeted by a mewing white kitten and a cozy, pink bed. Lily flopped down on the bed and fell instantly asleep. When she awoke, she would take a much needed bath. The luxury of a bathroom en suite was something she was instantly grateful for.

Ding dong!

The doorbell rang, waking Lily up. She checked the clock and discovered that she was only asleep for twenty minutes. Groaning, she rolled out of bed and blinked the exhaustion out of her eyes. Why must her slumber be constantly disturbed?

Fortunately, the interruption would bring good news, which was something new for her.


End file.
